How to Help Your Child Settle into Nursery

Starting nursery is a huge milestone for your child. It’s when their world expands dramatically, and they suddenly encounter new people, locations, and activities.  

And that’s fantastic! It’s their first step on a lifelong learning journey, and where they’ll begin to develop their confidence, resilience, and understanding of the world.

But that doesn’t make it any less daunting. And while they may be fizzing with energy and enthusiasm, your little one may experience the type of anxiety and uncertainty that can make settling into nursery challenging, often leading to tears and tantrums aplenty.  

Which is totally understandable. Think about it. In many cases, starting nursery will be the longest your child has been separated from you since they were born, as they’re suddenly thrust into new environments, filled with unfamiliar people.  

So, with that in mind, we’ve pulled together a handy cheat-sheet for how to help your child settle into nursery, from adapting their routine to getting them used to other children. We’ll be digging into trusty techniques, including: 

1. Get your child used to other children  
2. Stay positive 
3. Monitor your little one’s emotions  
4. Be ready for tears  
5. Discuss your child’s interests and preferences with nursery staff  

But before we delve into our bag of tricks, let’s discuss the golden question.  

How long does it take for a child to settle into nursery?

As much as we’d love to offer a specific number of days or weeks, the truth is there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and the time it takes your little one to settle will vary based on their personality and experience.

For example, if your little one is naturally shy, and has had limited interaction with other children, they may take a smidge longer to settle than, say, a more boisterous child from a large family, where gatherings are commonplace.  

And shyness isn’t the only reason your little one might take a beat to settle into nursery. The opposite can also be true, with more boisterous, self-advocating children often needing a little time to get used to having rules and routines that differ from those at home.  

But whether your little one is a wallflower or the tiny, human equivalent of a brass band, know that nursery staff have seen it all before and will have strategies in place to support your child as they settle into nursery, no matter their temperament.  

That said, we’re big advocates for parent participation at nursery, and there’s plenty you can do to support your little one as they’re settling into nursery.  

Let’s unpack some ideas, shall we? 

Activities to settle a child into nursery

A quick note before we begin: These tips have helped many children settle happily into nursery, and there’s a good chance they’ll work well for your family  too.

At the same time, every child is unique, so you may need to adjust or tweak these approaches to find what suits your little one best.

That said, the following tips have worked for many (many) parents, so they may work for you. 

1. Get your child used to other children

The process of getting your little one settled into nursery can actually begin before their first day. This is especially important if your child’s social circle is smaller, as they’ll need to develop their understanding of everything from turn taking to following instructions.

But, in truth, even if your child is a social butterfly, with a diary filled with playdates, they’ll need to learn to interact with other children in a more structured setting, where they may not be able to have free reign of toys, apparatus, and equipment.  

It doesn’t need to be anything complex. Perhaps some regular trips to a local playgroup in the run up to your little one’s first day at nursery or even visiting friends or family with children of a similar age. If neither of those is possible, maybe visit a local park and encourage your child to get involved, providing they’re comfortable.  

By getting your child used to other children, they’ll develop a more instinctive understanding of the back and forth required in a nursery setting.  

2. Be positive

Whether your little one is bold and boisterous or the more cautious type, the first few weeks of nursery may be overwhelming. It’s only natural. The transition is huge, and no matter how much you’ve prepared them, there’s no substitute for actually attending nursery.  

As such, it’s possible that your little one, in their overstimulated state, will experience outbursts of emotion—positive and negative—as they process their new day-to-day.  

And that’s where positivity is key. Your little one will seek emotional cues from you, even if they don’t realise they’re doing it.

So, when they’re discussing nursery with you, stay engaged and positive, offering them big smiles and encouragement. By doing so, you’ll establish in their mind that nursery is a fun, exciting place to be, forming a positive association from the off.  

3. Monitor your little one’s emotions

Ever have that instinctive, gut-feeling that your child’s upset, even if they’re not outwardly showing it? That’s your natural parental intuition at work. And you should listen to it.

In the early stages of settling into nursery, your little one will experience a kaleidoscope of emotions, leaping from joy to anxiety to excitement to fear and beyond.

And that’s normal. They’re processing something huge. For adults, it’s akin to the first-month jitters in a new job, when you’re basically a raw nerve for four weeks.  
 
That said, one of the most important parts of settling children into nursery is paying attention to their emotions, from the things they say to their general behaviours. By doing so, you’ll be able to gauge how they’re settling in, and offer support where needed.  

For example, if your child has been quieter or more withdrawn since starting nursery, sit with them and ask if there’s anything bothering them. 

Likewise if they’ve been acting out—refusing to tidy up or getting upset at meal times, for example—as this could indicate that there’s something playing on their mind.   

Discussing emotions with your child is a crucial part of parenting, and there’s no one-way to approach it. You just need to be open, patient, and understanding. Stuck on what to look out for? The NHS has a great guide on talking to your child about their feelings.  
 
It’s also wise to check-in with nursery staff, especially your child’s key person, who’ll be able to update you on how they’ve been acting and feeling at nursery.  

Once you’ve got a clear picture of your child’s emotional state, you can offer the type of support they need to settle into nursery in the most friction-free way possible.  

4. Be ready for tears

We touched upon tears in our article on handling separation anxiety at nursery, but it’s worth exploring here too.  

Whether it’s a little sniffle or a full-blown case of the weepies, your child may shed a few tears as they’re settling into nursery. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re sad.  

In the early stages of nursery, your little one will be processing a lot of emotions, and that energy has to be released somewhere, Hence, tears.  

It might be at drop-off. It might be at pick-up. It might even be as they settle down in pyjamas for story time later that evening.  

Whenever the salty water flows, don’t nudge them to suppress their feelings. They need the outlet. Try to respond with patience and positivity and reassure them that it’s okay to feel upset or overwhelmed. Perhaps even share a story from a time you felt similarly.  

By doing so, you’ll signal to them that their emotions are valid and that whatever is causing their distress will pass.  

5.Discuss your child’s interests and preferences with nursery staff

The more nursery staff know about your child, the better they can help them settle in.

Obvious? Maybe. Important? Definitely.  

As you can imagine, an important part of settling children into nursery is sharing details about their interests—no matter how small—with nursery staff, who’ll weave that information into your little one’s day-to-day nursery experience, thereby helping them to settle in.  

Whether it’s a treasured toy or particular activity that makes them feel grounded and secure, your child will take comfort in the familiar, which, in turn, will help alleviate their feelings of anxiety over their new setting.  

The reverse is true too. If your child finds something particularly destabilising, such as an activity or food, let nursery staff know so they can (where possible) accommodate.

So, before your child sets off on their nursery adventure, draft up a list of their interests and preferences, and share some highlights with staff. They’ll be happy to help.  

Side note: be sure to check with your child’s nursery that any toys or items your little one would like to take are permitted on-site to avoid any disappointment.  

So, there you have it. A handy cheat-sheet on how to help your child settle into nursery. And while we’d recommend any of the tips we’ve discussed, the most important thing is to be attuned to your child’s needs and stay in close contact with their nursery/key person during the settling in period.  

Need more tips for sending your little one off to nursery? We’ve got you. Check out our blog where you’ll find articles on everything from what to expect when attending a nursery open day to when to start exploring nursery options.