How to Manage Parental Burnout

It’s 7:07 pm. The dirty dishes are stacked on the counter, unwashed. Your washing machine is droning on and on, barely covering the sound of your little one, who’s screaming as loudly as their lungs will allow, that, no, they won’t put on pyjamas. 

Your laptop pings. Another email. It’s got that ‘urgent’ tag. 

Whack! Your little one has bumped their knee in the nanosecond you weren’t looking. 

Tears ensue. And you realise, they’re yours. You’re at your bandwidth. 

Sound familiar? You may be experiencing parental burnout. 

As a phrase, it’s relatively recent, but the emotional drain and physical fatigue of parent burnout have dogged parents for, well… as long as there have been parents, we just didn’t have the words to describe the experience. 

Despite often being dismissed as a sign of weakness—or even being overly sensitive—parental burnout is very real, and it can seriously harm your health. 

But we’re all on this journey together, so we figured we’d put together some tips for recognising and managing parental burnout.

You’ll find no judgment here; only support and understanding. 

What is parental burnout?

Parental burnout isn’t a fixed, one-size-fits-all thing. It’s unique to you and your experiences. There isn’t a neat, tidy definition. It simply doesn’t work that way.

So what is parental burnout, then?

As the name suggests, it’s a feeling of extreme fatigue. And by fatigue, we mean total exhaustion—in your body and mind. It’s a state beyond simple tiredness and can have a profound impact on your health and well-being. 

Life as a parent is joyous, but it’s far from simple. It’s filled with all manner of stressors and challenges that accumulate over time, until your body says…

“No.”

And it’s not just your body, parental burnout affects your mind, leading to that all-too-familiar brain fog, where everything from decision-making to concentration is a challenge. 

In many cases, parents experiencing burnout describe feelings of numbness and detachment; of running on empty and struggling to cope with the day-to-day.

However parental burnout looks to you, it’s real, and your feelings are valid.

So, what are some of the signs of parental burnout? 

Signs of parental burnout

As with many conditions, parental burnout won’t look the same for everyone. It’s tricky like that; it doesn’t play fair or obey a set of neatly defined symptoms. 

That said, as more parents share their experiences of parent burnout—brave, brilliant folks they are—we’re starting to develop a clearer picture of what we’re up against.  

Some common signs of parental burnout include:

• Physical or mental exhaustion
• Sleep disturbances (e.g. struggling to sleep or waking up often)
• Depression 
• Lack of motivation
• Changes in appetite
• Feelings of isolation 

In some cases, parents have even noted feelings of shame or guilt that they’ve failed as caregivers by not waking up each day fizzing with joy and optimism. 

And therein lies the problem. As parents, we’ve been conditioned by societal expectations to exist in an ‘always on’ state. Always available, never busy. Always upbeat, never frustrated. Always strong, never struggling. 

But you’re only human, and that’s simply not possible. And so the cycle continues. You push yourself further, only to become increasingly fatigued.

According to research into parental burnout, published by Clinical Psychological Science, these feelings, left unaddressed, can lead to ‘escape ideation’, characterised as imagining walking away from family responsibilities altogether. 

Less extreme, but no less concerning, is that sense of parenting on autopilot, as in, going through the daily motions rather than enjoying quality time with your child. 

If this is ringing bells, you’re not alone. A study by Action for Children revealed that 80% of parents show warning signs of parental burnout. 

If you feel you’re experiencing parent burnout, it’s important to offer yourself kindness and compassion, as well as take steps to improve your well-being. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all fix, but there are things you can do.

Coping with parental burnout: Our tips

Parental burnout is unique to each person who experiences it. It doesn’t fit into neat, organised boxes. But that doesn’t mean you’re entirely at its mercy.

Whether it’s an afternoon of well-earned self-care or working to free yourself of external expectations, there’s plenty you can do to manage parent burnout. 

Practice self-care

Self-care is often treated like an indulgence—a luxury that you should feel guilty about even considering. And that is, to be blunt, total nonsense. 

Carving out time to rest is an essential part of being a parent. It isn’t selfish or lazy, it’s how you recharge your parental batteries, that are easily drained by constant demands. 

And the best bit? There’s no fixed type of parental self-care; it’s as flexible as you need it to be. It could be curling up beneath a duvet and watching a movie, catching up with a friend over a cup of coffee, or even just taking a walk in the sun.

Whatever self-care looks like for you, it’ll help you rest, recharge and reconnect with yourself, allowing you to be more patient and present for your little one. 

To put it simply: self-care is child care. And you should make time for it. 

Ignore parental expectations

Parenting is rife with expectations. And they take a toll. 

Whether it’s ensuring your child hits developmental milestones, eats the ‘right’ foods, or stays within a specific screentime limit, these expectations, however well-intentioned, stack up to create the type of pressure that burns parents out. 

But the truth is, there’s no fixed model for what a ‘good’ parent looks like, and by relaxing some of the outdated ‘rules’ you may have internalised, you’ll alleviate some of the pressure that’s weighing on your shoulders. 

There’s no compare and despair cycle quite like parenting. Social media is awash with parental opinions, but it’s important to define your own expectations and approach parenting on your terms. 

Set boundaries

The word ‘no’ is often sort of… vilified, to the point that saying it can be viewed as an act of stubbornness, rather than boundary setting. But the setting of clear, consistent boundaries is vital for your well-being as a parent. 

In most cases, this will pertain to your work life, where the cult of ‘hustle culture’ often runs amok, leading to working parents spreading themselves far too thinly. 

Don’t be afraid to self-advocate and request flexible working patterns or a review of your daily responsibilities (especially if they’ve been creeping up…), employers have a duty of care to staff, and even the smallest of tweaks can have a huge impact on your well-being.

But boundary setting isn’t restricted to work, you may find that setting boundaries with friends and relatives can help take the edge off—especially if they’re particularly demanding.

If glancing at your calendar, with its parade of weddings, play dates, catch-ups, and nights out, makes you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself what’s essential and let your circle know that you’re being a little more selective with your time. 

It can be scary, but they’re your friends and family. They’ll understand. 

Psst… check out our handy tips for working parents, for a deeper dive into the realities of being a working parent. 

Seek help

There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. Your shoulders aren’t designed to carry the weight of the world. 

If you feel that you’re experiencing parental burnout, it’s important to reach out for support, whether from friends, relatives, or healthcare professionals. 

It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a mark of strength. It’s you, bravely standing up and saying, “I need help.” Even the act of asking for help is powerful and can serve as a wake-up call that you’re struggling. 

Your first port of call should be your GP, who’ll be able to signpost and/or refer you for the right type of support, whatever that means for you. 

You should also be sure to speak with those in your support network, such as friends and relatives, who’ll have your back, as you would theirs. 

If that’s not available to you, you could also try online parenting communities like Gingerbread or netmums, where you’ll find solidarity and advice in a more anonymous capacity. 

If you’re struggling with parental burnout, you’re not alone. Parenting is a brilliant and bizarre journey, but it’s the most challenging thing you can do. It’s okay to struggle. The trick is to reach out when you need support. 

Need more parenting advice? Check out our blog, where you’ll find articles on everything from how to support children’s emotional well-being to tips for parents returning to work.